Waterlogged Thoughts

I hate the in between moments of life in which one has to sit around and think, "And what now?" I am the type of person that tries to go full force when I'm involved in something. There are challenges, but a mission as well, so I'm able to power through. The in between times are the ones that get me down, and I know Satan knows this. I don't think I would call this time the "doldrums" so much as the "waiting in an eddy period." With doldrums nothing much is happening until one day finally the wind picks up. For me, I feel like I am sitting in an eddy and life is swishing by really fast with a million lines from which to choose. I have to cross that scary eddy line and hopefully not get swept away to somewhere I don't want to be.

Well, my legs and butt are getting pretty numb because I've been sitting in that dumb eddy for a VERY long time. I'll get out and try to scout the rapids every once and awhile. I'll read navigation and "How to" books. I'll talk to people who have successfully navigated the river in various manners. But still I hesitate because the river is always changing and crossing that darn eddy line is horrifically frightening. Already I fear this hesitation has lost me some significant opportunities, so I pointlessly bang my head against rocks . My head hurts.