Western Nostalgia

Letting go and not beating myself up


What's happened in the past is gone


There's nothing that can change what has passed


But there is hope for a different fantastic future



I was going to copy a sad piece of poetry I'd written months ago


Let it be private for me alone to rehash and open those wounds that


I've been reopening for too long



But maybe it's time to be honest and open that


Idon't ever seem to go as the crow flies


And thatI put myself down every time I realize it.


Satan knows I cut myself the deepest



But God can heal and He gives us second chances.


He can send amazing people more than once into our lives.


He wants us to be happy.


And maybe the second time I'll be ready.


I can more easily trust who I am:


No strong personality can make me question it,


No tragedy should make me let go of it.



So I mustfinish writingthis massive, agonizing chapter of my life,


And believe in God, in hope, in second, third, and even fourthchances--


I must.


Life still has length and with God's help I still can be who I want to be


Whom He wants me to be.


Long ago I tasted and saw that He was real and that "He wants men everywhere to search for Him with all their hearts, and if they do so, they will find Him, because He is not far away from any of us."


I'm ready to go back therewofting and peeringever more deeply



I thankGod for patient friends that are willing to be honest with me. I'm also thankful that they have beenwilling to take the effort--sometimes strong effort-- to be friends with me when they could have just let me alone. Even though I have gone through some reallyhorrible, sleep deprived, weepy moments and I know that more will come in the future, I thank God for the amazing blessings and grace that have sustained me and will sustain me.



Even if I never find anyone again, I can still hold to what I believe in, I can still better who I am, I can still have amazing adventures, I can have amazing friends, I can still grow with God, I can still make a difference...and God will continue to sustain me...not just that, He can make my life "more than just okay."